A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at her self. “You know love,” she says, “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my bum is hanging out a mile. I’ve got fat legs and my arms are all flabby.”

She turns to her husband and says… “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice.

“Well… there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!”

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”

Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”